


The Midnight Journal

by Flameroyalty



Series: Non Fandom Works [2]
Category: No Fandom
Genre: Implied sexy times, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It's not all super sad though I promise, One Shot, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Poetry, Short, Short Stories, Slam Poetry, darker stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-07-14 22:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 6,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7192481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flameroyalty/pseuds/Flameroyalty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a collection of random writings and poems I've done over the past few years. Some of it's depressing, a lot of it is depressing but there's some nice stuff in there too I promise. What I can't promise though, is that this is all GOOD.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drunk On You

Curving my spine  
Tomorrow you'll be mine  
I'm telling you I'm yours  
But I'll shake you to your core  
Crash on you like never before  
Your hands up my skirt  
You cant stand the way I flirt  
It drives you crazy  
You can't help but want me  
I'm stubborn as hell  
So you can always tell  
I may wear a collar but holding the leash  
Marks up and down my neck  
Claiming me as your own  
Smirking as I moan  
Faster, slower  
As the kisses go lower  
Not getting caught  
Is so much more fun then I thought  
Secrets, lies, and passion  
The latest fashion  
Prepare yourself for the perfect storm  
Because your hands are warm  
On my hips  
And you're attacking my lips  
I'll taste like ecstacy  
It covers the lies so easily  
This is no romance  
Its a dangerous dance  
Curiosity killed the cat  
But satisfaction brought it back


	2. Mornings

I have this dream. Of waking up in your arms in nothing but our underwear. Your face digging into my shoulder. Our feet tangled together. Breathing matched.

I want to have you pull me closer when I try to leave, mumbling something about never leaving you again.

I want to be able to accept that I'm never going to escape so I curl up against you. Light kisses being trailed up my neck, making me blush. Us staying in bed all day.


	3. Long Distance Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to get a bunch of these posted at once. Considering the idea of putting One-Shots in one and poems in another but...nah.

There's no where else to go 

I'm not going to let you slip through my fingers

But we know we both want to be here any way.

 You in my doorway

In your favourite heels

You roll your eyes, you bite your lip

And you know what it does

 Don't need much more then

A look, a smirk. Stop talking

And get your ass over here. 

Give me what want

Push every button

Take control and I'll return the favor

I'll be your nasty little secret 

No one has to know

You're my drug

Let me get my fix

Bittersweet cravings too strong to deny

Addicted to you

It's been far too long

Since you've been in my sight

Play my game

There's no real loser

I want my hands on your body 

On your legs, up your waist

Fingertips, goosebumps on every curve

My lips on yoursI wanna get drunk on your taste

I need to hear your voice moaning my name

Spin me around, make the world outside disappear.


	4. Educational Purposes

Tease me,

Please me, 

Impress me 

Undress, de-stress 

Losing control

 Forgetting the rules 

Lipstick stains on my skin 

Who knew this good girl could be so bad?

I'll take you on an adventure. 

Let's play explorer 

You be the students 

I'll teach you things you'd never know. 

The rhythm of the bass 

Doesn't compare to the one of your hips

 Whispers turn to shouts 

The neighbors will know my name 

Heavy petting, heavy breathing 

Your back up against a wall 

Arms above your head 

Is it really a punishment if you like it? 

1,2,3,4 Give me more 

5,6,7,8 The sun's going to have to wait 

Because this is my party and your nails feel like bliss

Dug into my back 


	5. Funny World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now it's time to get serious. I wrote this in High school as an assignment, my teacher wasn't pleased. Can't figure out why.

In light of recent events

I'll take a more serious note

Don't worry, I'll still try to find

A silly anecdote

To find a way to make this funny

While people are still out there 

Selling sex for money

While those two girls

Make out for your pleasure

They wouldn't be able to walk in the street

Together with leisure 

So continue with your sarcastic remarks

About how life is hard

Where there are people out there

Literally scarred

For doing what we're doing here

Asking people to lend an ear


	6. Dear 11th Grade Teacher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in the middle of Creative Writing class, while my teacher was giving is a lecture. It really taught me who she was.

Who do you think you are?

To have the audacity 

To stand in front  of kids

And pretend that you have a history

In dealing with mental illness

And spread the message

That depression's solution

Is to stop thinking about it

That the cycle of sleepless nights

Can be broken by a good 9 hours

You spread your ignorance to a class

That is suffering to hand in assignments

Because they are to busy contemplating

The angles of their death as part of their math homework

You sit in front of us

And feed us a lecture on how every teenager feels the same way

As if every student in a school of hundreds

Know the stinging of the blade on the skin

Or the feeling of death in their stomach

As if every student knows feeling of constantly wanting to cry

But can't because of the unrealistic expectations

That a cry for help can only be seen in the form

Of red wrists or isolation.

Harsh words and violent acts

Locking themselves in their room

Because they're afraid to face their demons

Don't you dare tell me 

That you've lived through the same things

Or tell me that I'm just afraid

Don't you dare look us in the face and say 

You have tolerance and support 

For us "poor victims"

When you sit behind your desk 

And do nothing for those reaching out 

Don't you dare tell me I'm just a statistic. 

That I'm just a number

As the number of poems and notes grow higher 

Like the homework I can't bring myself to do

How dare you stand before me

And say that every one gets sad sometimes

And argue with the students

Who obviously know better then you

How are you expected to teach, when you aren't even willing to learn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, that got really angry and really dark.


	7. Mommy

Mommy don't let me go to bed

I don't want the monsters to get me

They tell me everything that's wrong

And that I won't last for long.

You tell me they aren't real

But you don't hear the things they say

My thoughts are nightmares I can't wake up from.

Causing pain with every passing second.

Always changing, always changing.

Did I do something wrong

Did i do something to deserve this

To never be truly happy


	8. Hot mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looking in the mirror is fun on days like this.

A filthy little hot mess

Stuck in eternal darkness

Feeling lost in this disaster

Wishing she could get out faster

Disappointed in herself

Only a book on a crowded shelf

Fuck you and your indecision

One day yes

One day no

Are you happy now

Had your fun

You're a bitch

You're a slut

Laugh while you play your cruel little game

Slit your wrists and cut your neck

Why don't you just kill yourself

Throw yourself away


	9. Heart Aches

Heart ache.

Heartache is something everybody claims to get.

Heartache is the aftermath of a heart break

and that exactly what it is.

First you get the heartbreak, where you feel like your heart is shattering in a million pieces and you feel like it's stopped beating.

The Heart ache is the afterwards where you get to put the pieces back together again and you cant get them to fit properly. Its the pieces rubbing against each other the wrong way.

It makes you feel like ripping what you got back together and just leaving it on the ground, never to go back it.

And you cry because it hurts so bad.

Then you get angry because none of the pieces are fitting back together and that you let someone shatter it.

Everything inside you is broken and you don't feel like you can fix anything in yourself.

That's what heartache is.


	10. Unhealthy Attachment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CRIPPLING OCD IS GREAT GUYS YOU SHOULD TRY IT.

I got to attached

Like I do with almost everything

When you have obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety you never really get to slow down.

You always have to make sure everything is perfect.

That the lights are off and the stove is off

You wash your hands 20 times to get that final mark of ink from your pen.

You're paranoid that everything is wrong and that everybody hates you

You're scared that nothing's going right, but everything has to perfect all the time

It's very difficult to deal with

Very rarely do you get to stop and know everything is okay

And that's how I felt when i was with you

Everything just STOPPED

I didn't care that your last button was undone

Okay I did but I never said anything

I didn't get bothered that your pen caps didn't match the pen

I didn't care that we weren't perfect

I got attached

I got attached to the way you smell and how it always stayed the same

I got so attached to the way your clothes felt on me, I never even washed them

I hated that your arm was always around me, because it made me feel violated, but now I miss that comfort

I miss that every time I hugged you everything just STOPPED.

Nothing bothered me anymore

My mind went blank for 20 seconds and everything was okay

I miss being okay.


	11. Poetic Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was so sweet I almost got diabetes while writing it.

She mouthed every word silently, making any lyric possible seem like a work of genius. She made everything beautiful. The way her hair is tied up and she tries to blow those few lose strands out of her face. The way her hand flicks as she writes each letter on the page.

She looks up and faces me. Her eyes lighting up and her lips slightly rising at the corners. Her cheeks went a shade of pink that made her look adorable. She quickly looked away and then at her paper. “What are you looking at?” She asks, while smiling at her paper. She looks at me, smiling.

“You.” I reply slowly

Her cheeks went another shade darker. Her smile tightened like it always does when she's embarrassed, “Why?”

“Because I can.”

“But why would you want to?” She uncrosses her legs and leans back against the headboard, putting her booklet at her feet.

“Because.”

Her smile turns mischievous. She turns her body and leans towards me, “Name one reason.” She says calmly

“Do you want the lame reason, or the poetic reason?”

“Which way do I always want?”

I smile, “She's a mess of gorgeous chaos and you can see it in her eyes. She's beautiful and she's all mine.” I wrap my arms around her and pull her into my lap, hugging her close.

I fell her rest her head on my chest. I look at her closed eyes and continue, “I love her for everything she is and everything she isn't. I see her as a work of art, with the imperfections being what makes her so amazing. The sad part is that she will never see herself the way I see her.”

She looks up at me, “I love you so much.”

I kiss her forehead, “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, Tamara's capable of Fluff?


	12. Clouded Minds

avourite drink in my hand. I was talking to a cute guy from out of town. Next thing I knew I had someone's arms around my waist. The feeling was so familiar I knew exactly who it was.

I grab the arms and pull them off me. I turn around and see him. I chuckle, “You have a girlfriend.” I say

He smiles at me with a smile I knew all to well, “Yeah. I'm looking at her.” I could tell he was drunk. He was extremely against cheating.

I roll my eyes, “No, I'm not Ashley.”

“Who's Ashley?” He slurs. _Yep, definitely drunk_.

I face the new boy, “Sorry. I have to deal with this. I'll see you around later?”

New boy smiles, “No, I'll be going soon anyways. It was nice meeting you _.”_

“Oh, okay. Bye.” I say, trying my best to smile. He walks away and I turn back to the problem in front of me, “You owe me.”

He chuckles and wraps his fingers around the back of my neck, making me shiver, “I could fix that now.”

I sigh and pull his hand off me, “No, because I need to help you find Ashley.” I grab his arm and we start walking.

“You keep saying that name. I don't know why.”

I smile at him, “And that sir, is how I know you're drunk.”

“What are you talking about babe?” He wraps his arm around my waist.

“You and I broke up over a year ago. You and Ashley have been together for 5 months.” I see a friend of ours. She sees us and looks concerned.

“What's going on?” she asks

I turn to him, “Who am I?”

He zones out and the stares at me, “You're Ashley right? Because I'm dating Ashley.”

I look at our friend, “See?”

“Well shit.”

“Do you know where Ashley is?” I ask

“Um...I think she's upstairs.”

“Thanks.” I turn to him again, “Let's go hot stuff.”

He chuckles, “It's been a while since I heard you call me that.”

“Oh so now you remember who I am?”

“Of course I remember Natalie.” He rolls his eyes

“Oh so you're sober enough to remember who Ashley is now?”

“How long have I been dating her?”

“Nope, not sober.” I look around for real blond hair in a sea of fakes. I may hate her, but I will be the first to admit she's pretty. I look around with him trying to mess up my hair.

Then I see her. My hair might have been messed up now, but not as much as hers. His arm may have been around my waist, but her hands were in places where they didn't belong. She was sitting in some dude's lap, making out.

I felt the rage inside me grow every step closer I got, “You wait here.”

“Here?” He jokes.

“No, in the basement. Of course here, you idiot.” I snap

He looks at me surprised, “Okay.” he leans up against a wall and crosses his arms.

I walk over to Ashley and pull her off.

“What the hell Natalie?”

I knew her drunk, she isn't like this when she's drunk, “What's ten divided by two Ashley?”

“Five, duh.” She turns the guy again.

I pull he hair back, “You're not drunk.” I whisper. She looks at me with panic, “Now I'm going to give you two options. Either you get off blondie here, or I tell your boyfriend about this.”

“You're not going to tell him.”

“Not if you stop cheating on him right now.” I say.

She stands up, “Where is he?”

“Oh I never said you were leaving with him.”

She half smiles, “And what are you going to do Gingy?” She was certainly not one of the people I allowed to give me ANY sort of redhead nickname, “As if he'd leave with _you_ ”

I smile, “Well _Ashley_ it so happens that he completely forgot who you were and though he was still dating me until I reminded him that you were dating. He came to me, not to you.”

Ashley was about an inch taller then me, but she was thinner and a lot less likely to fight back, “Oh really? I call bullshit.”

“Then come on.” I walk her to him, “hey, who's this?” I point to Ashley.

He stares at her, “She seems familiar.”

She gasps, “Baby it's me.” She steps closer to him, putting her hands on his shoulders. She looks up at him and kisses him. She pulls back smiling.

His reaction was blank, “Nope, don't know you. Sorry. You're cute though.” he winks at her. I roll my eyes and smile.

Her jaw drops and she stares at me, “Don't worry Ashley. I'm sure he'll remember who you are tomorrow.”

He turns to me, “See this girl here?” he puts his arm around my shoulder, “This is Natalie. She's amazing and I love her. Sorry, you don't kiss as well as her.”

For once, it was my turn to be surprised. I blush a little, “You'll pay for this Natalie.” she spits.

“Oh I'm so scared.” I mock. I look at him, “Let's get you out of here babe.”

“But why? It's so much fun.” He whines.

“Well I'm leaving. Do you want me to drive you or blond stranger over here?” I ask with full seriousness

He sighs, “Fine. Where's my coat?”

“You didn't bring one.” Ashley and I both say at the same time.

He chuckles, “Oh now I remember you Ashley.”

She smiles, “Really?”

“Yeah. I dated you because you acted like Nat here.” He ruffles my hair

“God you know I hate it when you do that!”

He laughs, “Yeah that's why I did it stupid.” He pats my head and then turns to Ashley, “Sorry, you just don't compare.” I giggle, it was all to good. “Let's go Natalie.”

He pulls me to the stairs. I wave bye to Ashley on the way out, “You totally remembered who she was.”

“Yeah, but I also saw what you did.”

“Did you?”

“Yeah. That's why I 'm leaving with you.” I smile and rest my head on his shoulder.

“You're not allowed to barf in my car.” I say

“Aweee....way to ruin the moment.”

“Hey, that's what I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh this is so cringey, why was I proud of this?


	13. Angel

I don't know why you're so scared

I'm just a little girl

In long pigtails

and a school girl skirt

What is there to fear

Of the innocent girl next door?

I want to play where the boys play

Cuz I can beat them anyday

Kick and scratch my way through

Dont doubt the things that I will do

I'm not the pretty little put out

But it'll be my name you shout


	14. Old Habits Die Hard

If you want start this game be prepared

A deals a deal, you gave your word

Remember the all the promises you made

What else am I supposed to do for fun nowadays

I'd hate to think you were bored

I'll make it something to talk about

But we have to whisper because we cant let anyone know

That we're slipping back to old habits

And going back to the game we thought was done

Tripping on your alibis to cover your own ass

While you leave me in the dust fending for myself

You left all your things but you're not getting them back

These feelings seem to be mine alone

But it wasn't to bad

Because being with you almost killed me


	15. Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ooooo metaphors

Messy hair

Lips pressed together

Sad eyes

And he's sweaty

Mistakes being made

Regrets are plenty

Wrinkled clothes

Her heart is broken

and he walks away


	16. Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah the poem I wrote for the guy that was trying to cheat on his pregnant girlfriend with me. Then when I wouldn't let him, he went after my best friend.

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Sugar is sweet 

And so are you

But when I wouldn't put out

You decided to be a dick

Tried to find satisfaction

With another chick

Well jokes on you

Because now I know

I'm done with this

It was a great show

The roses are wilted

The violets are dead

The sugar bowl's empty

Just like your head


	17. Feel

Make me feel something

Other then the numbness

The pain is better then nothing

Show me I'm more then just a toy

Please make me your toy

Help me overcome this hell

I don't know which way to go

Shove me in every direction

Tell me what to do

Im a slave to my own mind

Make me yours

Show me a new reality

Because this one is so damn scary

Paint flowers on my skin

To show I can be beauty

Vision going blurry

I can't see my words anymore

Mind going blank

The quiet is so perfect

For once in my life

The voices have stopped

Better off this way

It's the best rough

Time ticking away

A simple casualty of society


	18. No Co-Ed Tents

I turn over, rustling the plastic of the tent beneath me. I pull the sleeping bag tighter around me. Sarah turns over beside me but doesn't wake up. I let go and she pulls it closer to herself, I let her.

I grab my phone from above my head. It read 3:34 AM. I look around the tent. The dying lantern gave enough light for me to see Cara and Fiona sleeping on the other side of the tent. It was cold enough give me goosebumps. I grab the sweater I had balled up for a pillow and put it on. I rubbed my arms then put my phone in my pocket. I hated the dark and I hated the cold.

I slowly pull the sleeping bag off me and shift so I was on my hands and knees. I tried my best to stay quiet. I shuffled to the door of the tent and unzipped it. I crawl out of the tent and stand up. It was darker outside then was inside the tent, making things worse. I pull my phone out of my pocket and use it for light. The first thing I see is the house, I start walking towards it.

I trip.

I trip on the rope of his tent. I struggle and manage to get myself up on my feet again. I turn to the tent and glare at it. It's like the tent took on his personality just from him sleeping in it. I pull the sweater tighter around me.

 _He has my blanket_. I remind myself. I scowl and ponder how bad of an idea it would be. _Fuck it._ I crouch down and unzip the door of his tent.

I see him sit up, “What are you doing?” he whispers sharply in a tired voice.

“Did I wake you?” _I knew this was a bad idea._

“No, it's okay. You know your dad will kill me if he finds out you were in here.”

“I'm fucking cold and you have my blanket. You're sharing. He'll understand” I say as I crawl into the tent.

“Are you crazy?”

“Yes.” I take off the sweater.

“That's my sweater.” he said, confused.

“I know.”

“How did you get my sweater?”

“It was outside and I didn't get a chance to give it to you before everyone went to sleep.” I step onto the futon mattress that I had to drag out earlier. He moves to the side.

“Do you mind?”

“Nope.” I say as I pull the covers up and I lay down. I ball up the sweater and put it under my head.

I hear him sigh, “Here.” A pillow hits me in the face. I smile.

“I was going to go inside.” I say. I pull the sweater out and put it on.

“Oh really?” He puts his arms behind his head and looks at me.

“Yeah but then your tent's rope tripped me on the way so I thought you should be punished for it's bad behavior.” I lay down and face him.

“Why do _I_ have to be punished.”

“Because I said so.”

“Oh and what you say goes?”

“Oh absolutely.”

“I see.”

“Do you, do you really?”

“Shut up”

“Make me.” I stick my tongue out at him.

“Oh you asked for it.” I props on his hands and leans over me, then connecting his lips on mine. I close my eyes and kiss him back. He pulls away and lays down beside me again.

“You dick.” I say, touching my lips. I tried to stop smiling but I couldn't.

“You loved it.”

“This is all a dream. It's three thirty in the morning and this is a dream and none of this is happening is it?

“Tell me that when you wake up okay?” he winks and me then closes his eyes, still smiling.

I face the ceiling of the tent and continue smiling. I bite my lip and pull my arms to my face. The sweater smelt like him. I was surrounded by him. I close my eyes, the happiest I've ever been.

********

I wake up to the sound of metal clinking. I open my eyes and I pull my phone out of the sweater pocket. It was seven o'clock. _Who the hell woke me up this early? They have a death wish._

I then notice his arm was wrapped around me, pulling me closer to him. His face buried into my shoulder. I feel like I'm melting. I carefully slip my hand into his, lacing our fingers together and then close my eyes again. I was not ready to wake up or to mess up this moment.

Suddenly the tent started shaking lightly. “Hey, you up yet?” I hear Sarah ask lightly. I try my hardest to not growl. He was still asleep so I didn't reply.

She shakes the tent a little harder, “Oh Sam?” She emphasized the “a” to add effect. “Get up.” Again with the “u.”

“He's still asleep, what do you want?” I whisper, dragging on the “a” in “want” to piss her off.

Nothing happens. No response, no scoffs, no hissy fits from her. It was quiet, which scared me.

Then all the zippers on all sides of the tent zip open, “No freaking way!” comes from Cara.

“Saw it coming.” says Fiona

“Dude, nice!” I hear from Daniel

“Fuck off.” His voice fills my ear. “Everybody, back off from the tent. One of us will murder you.” In union, everyone takes a step back with their hands in front of their chest. I smile.

“What time is it?”

“About seven” I say

“Why am I awake this early?” I turn around and his eyes were still closed.

“We were taking the tents down.” Daniel says.

“It's seven in the damn morning.” he snaps, “Why are you up this early?”

“Because Daniel woke _us_ up.” Cara says.

“Daniel.” I say.

“Yeah V?” Daniel replies.

“You are dead once I have some coffee in my system.” I say.

“I don't doubt that.”

“I want my tent doors closed, now.”

In about two seconds flat, it was dark again and the sound of metal poles clanking against each other fills my ears once more.

“I'm sorry.” I say

“I got to open my eyes to your face, why be sorry?” he replies, smiling. I blush. “Still think it was all a dream?”

“Well you are a dream come true.” I stick my tongue out at him

“That was lame.”

“I just woke up, I only get better.”


	19. Breathe

Breathless, senseless  
I'm your brilliant mess  
I have to confess  
You cause me distress  
I need out of this dress  
Relieve this stress  
With your finesse  
I'll always say yes  
Give you full access  
I need your air  
I'm under your care  
My hands running through your hair  
My skin is bare  
Keep kissing there  
Set me free  
Just let it be  
Can't you see  
What you do to me


	20. Sunday Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heavily inspired by a song by Amanda Marshall and a bad day dream I had the other day.

I open my eyes and the first thing I register is the alarm going off, the second is how painfully hungover I was. I rub my eyes and try to remember what happened last night.

It was New Year’s and I had actually been able to go out for the first time. Samantha was holding a party and she insisted I came. A bunch of people from the program were there so I didn’t feel super out of my element like I usually do at these kind of parties.

I remember a lot of vodka and early 2000s music. I remember a lot of flirting, on both the receiving end and giving end. Mostly to straight girls that would never have caught on anyway.

It was the same scenario as a few parties ago; if I take all the jello shots, my friends with the real booze can’t have too many. Given the current headache, I was going to say that there was a lot of extra shots.

 I cover my face with the crook of my elbow. How many did I have? This is what a hangover feels like? How many did I take? Why didn’t I drink any water? How could I be that stupid? Why was that stupid alarm still going off?

I must have accidentally kept one of the alarms set, again. I stick my arm our to where my phone should be sitting on my bedside table. Instead of grabbing phone, I hit my hand on what I assume is a chair and by the noise it makes as it scrapes against the floor.

“Ow what the fuck?” I yell, pulling my hand back to my chest.

“Would you shut up?” I hear an annoyed voice beside me. I knew that voice, how did I know that voice? “I think I might still be drunk.”

No.

No way.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

I suddenly become very aware of how naked I am under this blanket and proceed to panic. I scan the floor for my clothes with very little success. All I manage to find is my jeans, everything else is gone. I begin to lean off the bed in an attempt to reach for them.

“Could you please turn off the alarm, I’m dying.”

“Well I would if I knew where my phone was.’ I snap back.

“Why don’t you follow the sweet sound of it’s inane screeching?”

“Because I don’t have any clothes on Daniel.”

“Well if we’re in a situation where you’re naked already, chances are, I saw it when it started.”

I bring myself back on to the bed and lay down side him. A laugh from the other side of the bed quickly becomes a cough and back to a laugh

‘No way.”

“Good morning to you too Daniel.” I say in the most cheerful and grating voice I can, no matter how much it hurts.

“Just go get your phone Violet. The alarm is driving me insane.”

I roll my eyes, “Fine.”

I take a deep breath and climb out from underneath the blanket. I grab at my wrists for a hair tie and realize there are none. I hang my head and my hair falls around my face. I didn’t even want to think about how it looks right now.

 I run my hand through it and I remember how it felt to have his hand there instead of mine; how his hands felt on me in general. How I got there was the question. Yeah I’d liked him for a while but never thought he’d be into me, let alone literally in me.

I grab my pants and pull them on. I’ll have to remember to thank Anastasia for insisting I wear them instead of a dress. One, it allowed me to not have to wear heels and two, it meant I only lost my top.

I look over the floor and grab a shirt I think I remember and pull it down over my head. I take my hair out from under it and an unusual smell surrounds me. Something must have been spilled on me last night, at least it smelled good.

I feel my pockets and thankfully find my keys in the one pocket but my phone was still missing. I close my eyes and try to identify what direction the noise was coming from. I turn to my left and see the purple rectangle. I grab it and turn off the alarm.

I turn around, holding my phone out in front of me, “Ah ha! Fixed it.”

I see Dan leaning on his elbow with his head in his hand just looking at me. He smiles, shakes his head and chuckles. I put my hands on my waist, “What?”

“Nothing.” He says. He sits up, causing the blanket to fall to his lap and exposing his chest. I was not proud of the blush rising to my cheeks. He turns to me again, “You look kinda cute, you know, with the hair and my shirt and all.”

I look down and see that the shirt I was wearing was definitely not mine and realize it explains the smell as well.

“Fuck you Dan.”

“Pretty sure you did that already.”

I can’t help the smile. I grab the pillow closest to me and throw it at him, “Shut up.”

“Oh come off it, you loved it.” He flashes the same smirk that probably started this whole thing in the first place.

“Oh you’re definitely still drunk, the accent is killer.”

“Bet you love that too.” He stands up, also completely naked.

“Do you want the shirt back?” I ask.

He looks at me like I had just asked him what the answer to 2 plus 2 was, “Keep it. Think this is my first time walking around without a shirt?”

“I don’t know Dan! I don’t know your life!” I am clearly flustered and also very frustrated at the fact that I’m flustered.

He reaches down, picks up a pair of pants and shoves them on. He looks down again and starts laughing. He picks something off the floor and let’s the black lace dangle off his fingers.

“Want the underwear back?”

I smile, “Keep them. Think this is my first time walking around without underwear?” He throws them at me and I laugh, “What? Do you want me to put them back on now?”

Now it’s his turn to go red, a rare sight, “Screw you.”

“Pretty sure you did that already.”

“Yeah, wish I remembered it.”

My stomach dropped, “Seriously?”

“I mean, I probably will in a few hours. Wait, stretch your arms?” I give him a questioning look. He rolls his eyes, “Trust me.”

I do what he says and go through my usual morning stretch, groans and yawns included.

“Yep.”

“Yep what?” I put my arms down.

“I definitely remember those moans. It’s coming back, one sec.” he closes his eyes for a few seconds, “I was your first blow job, my hand got caught in your hair, I had to take a break to vomit.”

“You got to stop chugging wine.” I cut him off, trying to hide the searing embarrassment.

“Speaking of that, you _drank_ last night. What makes _you_ so flirty?”

“Mostly vodka probably. I think I got into a jello shot competiton?”

He laughs, “Oh right. Yeah, you didn’t just enter; you won that shit.”

I groan, “Of course I did. Fucking competitive idiot.”

“It was awesome.”

My phone buzzes in my back pocket. The fact that it still had charge surprised me. I check the latest message.

/Dude, where the hell are you. It’s noon, we were going to hang out./-Ana

I quickly answer

/Just woke up naked. The rest of the story to be updated as Dan fills me in….again…/-Violet

/NO!!!!!!!! :O /-Ana

I chuckle and see what other drunk texts the night might have brought me. What apologies I might have to send.

/Happy New Years!/- Mom

/See you tmmr/-Blake

/I see u/-Dan

I burst out laughing. How did I forget? The texts that started it all. I open the

“What?”

“Do you remember any of our text conversation from last night?”

“No?”

I open the chat box and begin reading the exchange.

“You know, for a ginger, you look kind of hot. I then said ‘go home you’re drunk.’ You then told me to shut up and to let you mix me a drink. I said that there was very little chance of that happening because I was at Sam’s party. You said you were too and were trying to find me again. Then you sent me a message saying ‘this house is too fucking big.’ I said that I had ‘no intention of drinking myself stupid tonight.’ Obviously that didn’t stick.”

Dan laughs. I roll my eyes.

“Wait it gets better. You then say that I’m no fun and don’t belong at the party. I say that I’m just not your kind of fun. You say you ‘can change that and were determined to find me.’ We then somehow got into a bet that if you found me within the next 2 minutes I would let you get me drunk. I was hiding and yet you somehow still found me.”

“Sam helped me.”

“Of course she did.” Dan gives me a strange look, “She told me once that she thought we’d be cute together. Anyway, then you found me and that’s when I started drinking like I was dehydrated.”

“Oh so I’m the reason you got so drunk you let me fuck you.”

“Well, to be honest” I let my sentence drag.

“To be honest, what?”

“Nothing.”

He gives me a mischievous smile, “What?”

I groan, “You probably wouldn’t have had to try that hard even if I was sober.”

“Want to go get breakfast? I know a great place for hangover food.”

“Well yeah I want to get breakfast but that doesn’t end the conversation does it?”

“Oh of course not, we need to talk about the tattoo on your shoulder I saw while you were still topless.”

“What tattoo?”

“They’re like..flowers. Lavender or rosemary.”

“Rosemary is a herb. You know this Dan.”

“Shut up, I’m hungover. Let’s go already.” He walks past me towards the door.

“Plan on going out without a shirt?”

He looks down at himself then at me, “Only if you’re walking out with my shirt on. Gotta make a statement right?”

“You sure you wanna make that kind of statement? It’s me.”

“So? I hit on your first didn’t I?”

“Yeah but you were drunk.”

“And yet you’re still wearing my shirt. Come on Gingy, I’ll buy you french toast.”


	21. 11:45PM

Stuck in a routine  
Of silence and dread  
Happiness unusual  
Almost painful  
But not as much as this  
Old memories in a feeling  
Coming from a new source  
Reaching into empty space  
For impossibilities  
Preparing for a trip  
but falling faster than before  
Broken from past impact  
What's left to break


	22. Flame Royalty

You called me a princess, you called me a flame  
You're going to regret saying my name  
Because I am a princess, I am a flame  
And you're life will never be the same  
I called you the sun but you know I shine brighter  
For year you threw gas on the fire  
And watched it get higher  
Like the pedestal you placed me on  
From dusk until dawn  
Placed a tiara on my head   
With all the praises you said  
In hopes of getting me in bed  
You forget where these names come from  
You forgot where they started  
You tripped on your words and I chose that we parted


	23. Itch

I need someone on me.   
Feeling me  
Up my legs, down my sides  
Through my hair.   
Light touches   
Sharp bites  
Cover me  
Mark me  
Claim me  
Make me yours  
I don't care how  
Consume me  
Don't resist me  
Fufill me  
I'll be everything you want me to be.


	24. Monsters

Depression isn't a monster.   
It attracts them.   
Smell fear and they attack.  
Each one is different  
A pair of blue eyes blinking from inside a grey cloud  
A smile beckoning into a dark corridor.  
A voice that lingers after defeat  
A shadow feeding on insecurity

 


End file.
